Has Your Relationship Cost You Your Independence? 10 Signs You’re Way Too Codependent


by Michelle Elman for Bolde

When you’re in love, it’s normal to get pretty attached to your partner. However, if you start feeling like you literally can’t live without the guy you’re dating, you might have a problem. If you’re questioning whether what you have is simply true love or something much less healthy, ask yourself if you’re displaying any of these signs of codependency:

1. YOU FIND IT HARD TO FOCUS WHEN HE ISN’T AROUND. If you struggle to concentrate when you’re at work and constantly find yourself preoccupied with what he’s up to, it could be a clear sign that you’re too involved in each other’s lives. There’s a fine line between interest and obsession. Keeping parts of your lives separate maintains a balance, so make sure you have some time apart each day.

2. YOU AREN’T HAPPY WITHOUT HIM. If his absence induces an instant depression, you really need to find another source of fun. You can’t be around each other all hours of the day, and your happiness should never be dependent on someone else. While you should be happy when you’re around him, you need to remind yourself that you’re capable of finding the same joy on your own.

3. YOU DO TOO MUCH FOR HIM. Do you wash his laundry, clean up his messes, make his bed, and cook him dinner? Unless he’s doing the same things for you, you’re probably in an unbalanced relationship. You’re not there to be his caretaker. Responsibility is necessary for him to grow as a person, and doing everything for him will make him almost completely reliant on you. That might be fine with you if you enjoy tending to others, but it’s not healthy in a romantic partnership. You want someone to be with you because they want to be, not because they need to be.

4. YOU TREAT HIM LIKE A CHILD. If you pander to him all the time and treat him like he’s fragile, you’re creating an unhealthy relationship. Being an adult means not shielding your partner from the hard stuff. You’re meant to be equals, and you’re not at that level if you talk to him like he’s helpless.

5. YOU TIP-TOE AROUND TOUGH CONVERSATIONS. In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable to voice your views and opinions without fear that you’re going to get dumped. If you have to choose your words carefully around your boyfriend, then you might have a serious problem. Relationships are about honesty, and you shouldn’t have to filter yourself in front of your partner.

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